Divorce Your Partner, Not Your Kids

Children define themselves by the standards that their parents set. When the two people they love the most decide to go their own separate ways, the life of a child is literally torn into two. Even when two people part amicably, it still means the life of a child is divided. Therefore, it is extremely important that whatever the differences between two people, they focus on reassuring the children first.

From Divorce Onwards

More often than not, the courts grant women the custody of children. From then on, the children begin living with one parent while the other parent moves out. Depending on the type of custody, children get to see a fair amount of the other parent or not at all. Either way, the definite influence on the children is the parent they are with. While a single parent loves a child as much as ever, children need the influence of both parents to grow up as balanced individuals.

Growing up with a single parent exposes children to the negative aspects of that parent, more than if there was another parent to counter that aspect. If the parent who has custody is bitter, then this gets translated to the children. They might grow up resenting the absent parent and this affects how they develop socially. They can become overly dependent on the parent they live with and not allow their own personality to take shape.

Preventing Aloofness from Setting In

Both parents have to behave responsibly, when it comes to their children, in the event of a divorce. They have to put their personal differences behind and concentrate on providing their children with a secure future. The children should be made to feel that even if they are not husband and wife anymore, they both are still very much the parents. The parent, who has custody of the children, should try to reassure the children that the other parent loves them. They should also be encouraged to reach out to the parent who lives away, anytime they want to.

The parent, who lives away, will have a tougher task of making sure to remain an active part of the children’s lives. If the children are promised to be taken to a movie, the promise should be kept at any cost. Children are extremely sensitive at the time of a divorce and they can translate even a broken movie plan to mean that the other parent is not caring any more.

It can be easy to get used to living alone again and forgetting parental responsibilities, if a person does not have custody. With time, not taking enough responsibility and interest in the children can allow an aloofness to set in, which can never be undone.

Strengthening the Bond

Spending quality time with the children is definitely not overrated. In fact, post-divorce, people are free of the negative aspects of marriage that made them unhappy. The constant squabbles with a spouse are a thing of the past. Since they are not stuck in an unhappy situation anymore, parents can concentrate on being the best parents ever.

Parents can ensure that the time spent with the children is fulfilling to all. Instead of coming home tired from work to a nagging spouse, they can arrange to take the children to an activity they like. Both parents can share equal responsibility and build a bond with children, which is unique and special. If one parent takes on the responsibility of a gym class, the other could share a sporting session. In fact, being away from an unhappy atmosphere may make people better parents.

It is important to keep the channels of communication open with children. They should be encouraged to voice their feelings and express themselves. This will slowly help them regain their confidence and also help build a strong bond between parent and child.

Conclusion

Divorce is not the end of the world but, to children, it may seem like it is. If a couple who have parted take time out to be supportive of the children and put up a united front in all matters concerning the children, it can help a great deal. Children are resilient and they can recover from the worst situations if they are given the right support. As long as they understand that their parents still love and care for them as much as ever, they will grow up to be the adults they were meant to be.

Financial Planning for Divorce

A divorce can be such a painful experience that it can wreck havoc in one’s life. Divorce has the ability to break a person emotionally or psychologically to such an extent that, to stand again on one’s own two feet, may prove to be a difficult proposition.

Through the pain and tribulations of a divorce, one has to stand firm and decide upon other aspects of the future life. This will involve extracting one’s self from the intermingled finances which both the partners had enjoyed before the divorce proceedings.

It may mean settling all credit card bills that the two had shared, a clear cut settlement of the house mortgage, various investments that the couple may have made together etc. This can be a truly Herculean task and not at all easy to deal with.

This involves untwining of the interwoven finances. It may be that the divorcing couple are staying in a house, which both partners are fond of. Thus it will be a difficult decision for both the partners to let go of that house or to come to an amicable settlement in regard to the same.

The disputes concerning financial matters can truly bog down the two erstwhile partners. In fact the proceedings of the divorce proper, do not take as long a time period, as does the settling of various financial issues.

This, the financial side of divorce, may take a long time to settle but nevertheless it may be the most important financial event of a person’s life span. All the choices made, and the various decisions taken, on this account, can have far reaching implications on the financial well being of a person for the rest of his or her life.

For this very express reason, the term financial planning, gains extreme importance. Financial planning can go a long way in helping both the divorcing individuals to come to terms with the various finance related issues.

In succinct terms divorce financial planning is planning that is done to ensure the concerned individual is able to get by and fare well in financial terms, after the divorce. In itself it answers all the issues raised above.

In general terms the most difficult part of financial planning may be the very first step itself. However all the difficulties inherent in that step are easily offset or mitigated by the rewards accrued from it. Not only does it lead to taking control of ones finances and thus the life, it may also give rise to peace of mind that one may have lost otherwise.

The best course may be to approach an independent divorce financial planner for this job. The divorce financial planner must enjoy the trust of both the partners in order to fulfil his or her job. There have to be free and frank disclosures made to this individual by both the partners.

As far as the financial aspects of divorce are concerned there are different steps to reach it. These steps or stages involve:

Disclosure: At this nascent stage both the partners are required to make total disclosures regarding their income and assets. This is the first step towards moving ahead with a proper financial settlement.

Negotiation: In this second stage of the financial settlement betwixt the two divorcing partners, they get to negotiate about the division of the finances and assets. It will involve negotiating on issues of child support, alimony, social security, various mortgages and the pension plans of the two individuals.

Agreement: As the heading suggests, it is the final conclusion or culmination of the entire process. If the two partners are unable to decide upon everything then they may have to contest in the law courts and wait for the final court directives in this regard.

It is also advisable to take appropriate guidance from a proper specialist about the most tax efficient, the most suitable method regarding the transfer of the matrimonial assets. This will help in maximising the gains made from the settlement.

Throughout this process one must try to keep the nerves of steel despite the emotional roller coaster ride that he or she is being subjected to. One should also try to overcome all ill will and be both reasonable and considerate towards his or her erstwhile partner.