Thursday, 16 September 2010

The 5 Things Men Won't Talk About When Dating

What is your partner really thinking when he goes quiet? What’s running through your date’s mind during the silences?

Having interviewed dozens of men on topics they rarely discuss, Maggie Hamilton, author of What Men Don’t Talk About, has discovered that men, like women, long to be heard, accepted, loved and understood by their partner.

“In our desire to grasp the differences between the sexes, we as a society have come to focus on what separates us, rather than what joins us together. The way ahead lies in realising that there are more qualities that bind us than separate us,” writes Hamilton.

Here are 5 things that, according to Hamilton, prey on men’s minds:

1. Just as women need tenderness from men, so men need tenderness from their partner. They find it difficult to ask for tenderness, and are often afraid that the softness from women will come with strings attached. According to Rowan, 41: “Women need to love themselves first, so they can give generously around them, because neediness is never a good basis for a relationship.”

2. Contrary to popular opinion, ‘sex’ is not the reason men seek long-term relationships with a partner. Instead, the men Hamilton spoke to talked about being ‘supported and held’, having ‘somebody to share things with’, ‘encouragement’, ‘truth, honesty and a friend’, ‘a soul mate’.

3. When it comes to love, women often assume men hold the balance of power. But in relationships, men are often intimidated by women because men perceive their partners as holding the sexual power.

4. Many men feel the strain of having to appear strong all the time. Our society assumes men can handle whatever situation they are in, but there are times they need the help and protection of their partner. According to Hamilton, men find it extremely difficult to ask for help.

5. Men feel pressure to perform sexually with their partner. However, rather than seeing this as stressful and undesirable, many men see this pressure as a good thing. Matthew, 27, says: “Yes, men are under greater pressure. But so they should be! Men of my generation are better educated in this area. It’s what is expected of us, and also what we expect of ourselves.”

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