From Divorce Onwards
More often than not, the courts grant women the custody of children. From then on, the children begin living with one parent while the other parent moves out. Depending on the type of custody, children get to see a fair amount of the other parent or not at all. Either way, the definite influence on the children is the parent they are with. While a single parent loves a child as much as ever, children need the influence of both parents to grow up as balanced individuals.
Growing up with a single parent exposes children to the negative aspects of that parent, more than if there was another parent to counter that aspect. If the parent who has custody is bitter, then this gets translated to the children. They might grow up resenting the absent parent and this affects how they develop socially. They can become overly dependent on the parent they live with and not allow their own personality to take shape.
Preventing Aloofness from Setting In
Both parents have to behave responsibly, when it comes to their children, in the event of a divorce. They have to put their personal differences behind and concentrate on providing their children with a secure future. The children should be made to feel that even if they are not husband and wife anymore, they both are still very much the parents. The parent, who has custody of the children, should try to reassure the children that the other parent loves them. They should also be encouraged to reach out to the parent who lives away, anytime they want to.
The parent, who lives away, will have a tougher task of making sure to remain an active part of the children’s lives. If the children are promised to be taken to a movie, the promise should be kept at any cost. Children are extremely sensitive at the time of a divorce and they can translate even a broken movie plan to mean that the other parent is not caring any more.
It can be easy to get used to living alone again and forgetting parental responsibilities, if a person does not have custody. With time, not taking enough responsibility and interest in the children can allow an aloofness to set in, which can never be undone.
Strengthening the Bond
Spending quality time with the children is definitely not overrated. In fact, post-divorce, people are free of the negative aspects of marriage that made them unhappy. The constant squabbles with a spouse are a thing of the past. Since they are not stuck in an unhappy situation anymore, parents can concentrate on being the best parents ever.
Parents can ensure that the time spent with the children is fulfilling to all. Instead of coming home tired from work to a nagging spouse, they can arrange to take the children to an activity they like. Both parents can share equal responsibility and build a bond with children, which is unique and special. If one parent takes on the responsibility of a gym class, the other could share a sporting session. In fact, being away from an unhappy atmosphere may make people better parents.
It is important to keep the channels of communication open with children. They should be encouraged to voice their feelings and express themselves. This will slowly help them regain their confidence and also help build a strong bond between parent and child.
Conclusion
Divorce is not the end of the world but, to children, it may seem like it is. If a couple who have parted take time out to be supportive of the children and put up a united front in all matters concerning the children, it can help a great deal. Children are resilient and they can recover from the worst situations if they are given the right support. As long as they understand that their parents still love and care for them as much as ever, they will grow up to be the adults they were meant to be.
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